The art of redirecting
As a parent we often have to change what our child is focusing on to get a desired outcome from them. I can remember when our son Aidan was younger I was trying to give him Tylenol or cough medicine before bed as he was not feeling well. I ended up putting his medicine in a syringe and then filling another syringe with warm water and I told him if he drank down his medicine he could squirt me with the water. Why that time did I choose to pick that method to get him to take the medicine? I have no idea but it worked and all I had to after he was in bed was to change my shirt. That is what is called a win-win.
Our family tries to eat supper together at the dining room table when we can but since our daughter Cece had foot surgery in October we haven’t been very successful. Part of it is because she has been more comfortable sitting on the couch and part of it is because some days we are to tired to force her to sit at the table if she starts throwing a fit. Last night my wife had fixed a great supper for us so we were determined to eat at the table. When it was time to eat we told Cece that we were going to eat at the table and she immediately points to the couch saying she wanted to eat on the couch. Since we wanted to eat at the table we said she could play at the table while we ate supper. She said no to many things but when we suggested Yatzee she smiled and got very excited.
Supper for us involved Cece sitting on my lap, feeding her supper, eating my own supper while we played Yatzee. Is that the perfect supper? No but we were able to at least eat at the table together without having anyone throwing a fit. Hopefully in the upcoming days we can continue to eat at the table and eliminate having to play Yatzee. Maybe tonight we will be watching YouTube videos while we eat or write on paper but in either case we will still be eating at the table. Is this a win-win situation? It might not seem like on the surface playing Yatzee and eating supper is a win-win but in our life it is.
When have you had to redirect your child to get the desired outcome from them?
Every day I redirect. When I’m “on top of my game” I don’t mind taking the redirecting route. Other times I resent having to always manage behavior–it can be exhausting.
What you described with Aiden and the Tylenol is different than what we do with our kids with disabilities. With typical kids these kinds of adjustments are self-limiting…the child will fairly quickly grow out of the need for those “games”. Our kids with developmental disabilities hang on tightly to those rituals and they become ingrained. For caregivers, what’s cute at 2, is doable at 10 and a pain at 18.
I’m not sure what the answer is. I know our kids are brilliant at manipulating us to get what they want. I think the single best behavior support for us has been a “list”–a sequential activity plan for the day or a certain time period. Knowing what’s coming up seems to help prepare our daughter for transitioning to the next activity. I think a schedule can be a life long support for a person of any age.
There are many ways to manage behavior, but I think establishing supports that other people can use with our kids is important. Ultimately any ritual you establish to coax/bribe/distract a child, will over time be a chore…even though it works for the short term.